Remember when Lindsey Graham said that the problem with Washington was that politicians aren’t drinking enough? Graham even promised to get the liquor flowing again if elected. Unfortunately for Graham, he won’t be elected. Graham apparently decided to make good on his campaign promise anyway. A seemingly and visibly intoxicated Graham took to the podium at the Washington Press Club dinner last night in Washington D.C. and went on a sometimes funny, sometimes awkward rant on just about all the candidates remaining in the race on both sides. Only Senator Bernie Sanders was spared from Graham’s wrath.
On the funny side, Graham joked about Ted Cruz;
‘A good Republican would defend Ted Cruz after tonight — that ain’t happenin. If you killed Ted Cruz on the floor of the Senate, and the trial was in the Senate, nobody could convict you’ Graham joked. He went on. ‘I know exactly when Ted is going to drop out of the race: March 12. That’s Canadian week at Myrtle Beach!’
He also called a race between Trump and Cruz on who is ‘the biggest liar’ was ‘too close to call.’
On Ohio Governor John Kasich;
‘To the women who left the kitchen tonight to come, thank you very much. John Kasich needs your help’ referring to Kasich’s recent comments about winning an election because ‘women came out of the kitchen to help him win.’
On Ben Carson;
‘The nice guy is Ben Carson. He tried to kill his cousin, hit his mother in the head with a hammer. He’s the one we all like. How did I lose to these guys?’ (note: Perhaps he lost because all he talked about was more war, war and war?)
For Marco Rubio, Graham offered this nugget;
‘I’m not saying he would change his positions, but he would change his positions. The Secret Service’s main job if he’s president is to keep him hydrated.’
On the awkward side, Graham tried to bridge some humorous gap between women’s equality and Hillary Clinton. Graham said ‘now the most dishonest person in America is a woman, look how far you’ve come.’ That was greeted, even in a republican room, with a more negative than positive response. The line on Clinton that did get a big reaction is when Graham asked how his party was losing to her? His own response was ‘my party has gone bat sh*t crazy!‘
Another awkward moment came when the Senator attempted to slam Obama by announcing that ‘our Canadian is better than your Kenyan.’ Again, that wasn’t met with much support. Graham tried to recover, by saying ‘Canada is closer to America than Kenya, so it is a step in the right direction.’ That got even a more ‘flatline’ response from the audience.
What about Trump? Well, Graham hardly forgot him, making some jokes as he came to the podium as he got set up but really he saved his lines for Trump till the end, and unlike the rest of the ‘roast,’ this was a fairly sober moment …
‘The Donald, I have literally run out of adjectives. I don’t know how I can best describe Donald Trump but I can say this; I don’t think he understands what makes America great. I know I’m supposed to be funny. I’m not really happy about where the country is right now. I could make a million Donald Trump jokes and I have, but our party and this country are gonna have to up its game’
Featured image via youtube screen capture.