Vote Trump, Get Dumped Movement Vows No Sex For StormTrumpers

In Native American culture, only women could vote for the chief. In the ancient Greek play Lysistrata, women banded together to deny their men sex in the hope of ending the Peloponnesian War. For centuries, women have used their charms and intellect to make the world a better place despite the worst efforts of men.

In this election cycle, women again have led the way in tormenting the Trumpenfueher with the withering assaults of truth and humor. StormTrumpers have shown  they are none too interested in stemming the flow of misogynistic rhetoric from Herr Drumpf, and apparently the Drumpf has forgotten there is this whole Internet and Youtube thing that chronicles everything that’s ever been said in all his many mediablitzen. These women remind him of this in a brilliant political ad.

One crafty New Yorker has come up with a new campaign a la Lysistrata, in which she and her minions pledge to deny sex to any male accomplice of the Donald. The movement’s creators, who New York Magazine identified as Chandler Smith, a 28-year-old mother of three from Ohio and her husband, wrote on their website, “Vote Trump, Get Dumped”:

“We’re not officially supporting any one candidate. The people who started this hashtag don’t really care who you vote for, as long as it’s a decent human being who respects women. Trump has proven that he’s not that person.”

The “Vote Trump, Get Dumped” movement invites women opposed to Trump to join the movement by wielding their “influence.” A manifesto on the website reads:

“Until Trump is defeated, we don’t date, sleep with, or canoodle with Trump supporters,”

Of course, there is a whole host of reasons why women should avoid the common Trump supporter. Firstly, contaminating the gene pool with imbeciles is a surefire way to bring about the fall of Western civilization.

Idiocracy was a movie, not a documentary.

Secondly, StormTrumpers exude a peculiar brain flatulence that is embarrassing when you take your man-child out in public. Most are not potty trained and will drag their knuckles through all manner of dog feces, which they will surely either begin to eat or throw at innocent children.

Thirdly, should your Trumper convince you that you should wait for holy matrimony before consummating your relationship, you will doom yourself to a lifetime of Republican missionary sex, which is only for procreation because Jesus is watching you.  Especially, on Sunday when you will be in church praying that Republican Jesus does not catch you thinking about donating money to a socialist Jew that wants to heal the sick or educate the poor. You’ve got no time for moochers like that.

Lastly, bringing your Trumper into your bedroom, where he will be in close proximity to your scary vagina, will trigger your troglodyte’s primal medulla oblongata into having a fit of extremely disappointing premature ejaculation leaving you in the dark wearing a nightgown and faking an orgasm over the sound of Lawrence Welk. Have you seen the passionless longing in Melania Trump’s eyes that curses the name Viagra? Does she secretly pray for cancer? Of course not! She married it instead and bless her heart for doing a job that no American woman would take.

Women have the power to change American civilization if they can manage to restrain the StormTrumpers from thinking too much with the big head or letting that flaccid, man-child get his mitts on nuclear weapons.

Photo credit: Fair Use, text added by ANX

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About Thomas Clay 417 Articles

Thomas is a disgruntled rake-hell full of piss and vinegar about this last election that he fully intends to unleash on the Goon Commander when he brings his gang of incorrigible reprobates into the White House.

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