Indiana’s Republican governor Mike Pence just can’t get deep enough into all that “lady business.” Obsessed with women’s reproductive issues, he seems to have made it his goal in life to determine exactly what a woman can and cannot do with her body and her life. Last month he signed into law HB 1337, one of the most restrictive anti-abortion bills in the nation. That’s how much he just loves tinkering with the “lady stuff.”
He is earning a new nickname: Menstrual Mike.
A new Twitter account (PeriodsForPence) and a new Facebook page of the same name are urging women from Indiana and all over the country to let Menstrual Mike know the status of their monthly reproductive cycle because fertilized eggs that have not implanted in the uterine wall can often be expelled during a woman’s monthly “visit from Aunt Ruby.”
Since Indiana’s new abortion law, which takes effect July 1, requires that any “fetal remains” be cremated or interred, will it only be a matter of time before Hoosier women are legally required to bundle up their soiled sanitary napkins and tampons and send them to Indianapolis for state analysis?
Should that used tampon be buried in the local cemetery or properly and respectfully cremated at your local licensed crematorium? Can it simply be tossed or flushed if it has no obvious evidence of a dispelled fertilized egg? Inquiring female minds want to know!
Obviously, this is not required by law in Indiana or any other state. Yet. Likewise, it is certainly not recommended or encouraged, no matter how tempting it may be. After all, who wants to get into trouble with Menstrual Mike and his merry minions in the Indiana state legislature? One shudders to think what they may come up with next regarding “girl stuff.”
The movement is not merely about keeping Menstrual Mike updated about his female constituents’ reproductive cycles. Some women are seeking his expert advice on related topics, such as this:
While you’re awaiting your answer, you can check out this delightful offer from an etsy vendor called Cute Fruit Undies. Now you can have special “period panties” with the pictures of your favorite political fetus fetishists. None of Menstrual Mike yet, but he’ll surely be added soon if you let the seller know. We definitely want the governor to know what we bloody well think of him!
The Periods for Pence movement is not exactly a new concept. It’s been done to Kentucky governor Matt Bevin as well as Ohio governor and presidential hopeful John Kasich, Even Irish women have kept their prime minister informed on such matters. Indiana is merely the latest battleground because of HB 1337.
The governor’s office issued a statement that merely says “We are always willing to take calls from constituents who have questions, concerns or are looking for assistance.”
Uh huh. Sure they are. Menstrual Mike’s office claims to have received only around 100 calls on the issue, though, mostly from “out of state.” The Facebook page believes the number is certainly higher. Hilariously, the governor’s office says that supporters of the bill are also contacting them, although they seem more inclined to send handwritten letters.
Apparently, Menstrual Mike thinks that a handwritten letter or perhaps a carefully selected greeting card is such a lovely touch. Remember that, ladies!
The office of Republican state representative Casey Cox (R-85th District, Fort Wayne) has likewise been targeted, since he was the sponsor of the onerous abortion bill. His staff is not amused.
The ACLU today sued the state of Indiana on behalf of Planned Parenthood and Dr. Marshall Levine, who has been contracted by Planned Parenthood to perform abortion services, and Shauna Sidhom, a nurse practitioner who also works for Planned Parenthood. The suit contends the new anti-abortion bill “…imposes an undue burden on a woman’s right to choose an abortion because it bars that choice under certain circumstances, even if the pregnancy is in its early stages and the fetus is not viable.”
The new law likewise requires that abortion providers report to the state any detected or known fetal disabilities, putting providers at risk for prosecution. The requirement that fetal remains be cremated or interred is also targeted in the lawsuit, since this is not required of any other medical waste material. The court is being asked to declare the abortion law unconstitutional and to issue an injunction to prevent its enforcement.
While this unconstitutional law passed by fetus fetishists winds its way through the judicial system, Menstrual Mike can be reassured that Hoosier women will keep him well-informed of their monthly cycles. Every single day.