Sony Announces New Slate of Movies About How Awesome North Korea Is

Sony’s decision to pull The Interview, a comedy about North Korea, was responded to by a few theaters with the announcement that the Trey Parker/Matt Stone classic, Team America, would be shown instead. Paramount said nope.

Now, Sony is taking things a step further. According to a press release, 2015 will be the Year of Dear Leader, with no fewer than 3 pictures highlighting the benefits of living a bleak existence under the thumb of a diminutively fat dictator. Rather than risk having any more emails about Angelina Jolie released or face imaginary attacks from flaccid DKNR keyboard cowboys, the film company is doing everything it can to bend to the will of freedom-hating terrorists.

The first of the series is being rushed into production. It’s a re-imagining of Spider-Man, with a doughy-faced commie-jackass as Peter Parker. The costume is being redesigned to include a propeller hat. Quentin Tarantino is rumored to be directing as long as they let him overuse the ‘N’ word to levels that make everyone feel uncomfortable.

Shortly after the release of The Appalling Spider-Jong-Un, Tim Burton will do a quirky film about a guy born into leadership of an isolated, despotic country. It will chronicle 3 generations of an absurdly inept family’s rule. Johnny Depp will star, because it’s a Tim Burton film.

Rounding out Sony’s festival of appeasement will be an animated film about an anthropomorphic potato that threatens the world with nuclear weapons and tries to push around the best country in America. Steve Buscemi needs the work and will voice the potato. Paramount is in talks to co-produce, not wanting to be left out of a chance to kowtow to empty threats from lunatics.

Sony’s balls were contacted for comment, but they appear to be missing.

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