Interstellar Moron Louie Gohmert Puts Texas Back On The Zenith Of Mt. Stupid

Former circuit court judge and current member of the House of Representatives for the 13th district in Texas, Louie Gohmert has yet again summited Mt. Stupid with a thermonuclear stupid bomb that made Michelle Bachman’s other eye go cross. Gomie has repeatedly jumped the shark, stabbed him in the back, slid down a pole and played with his poop because he is coo coo for Coco Puffs.

At one point, Gomie reported that terrorists were getting women pregnant and sending them across the border from Mexico (on unicorns no doubt) to birth their terrorist anchor-babies. Obviously Gomie refuses his doctor’s orders to take his Thorazine on a regular basis. Anderson Cooper had a very telling interview with Gomie that did not perturb the loons that went into a polling booth and pulled the lever for him.

It’s not the Gomie doesn’t embarrass the nation as a whole on a regular basis but when the locals take wing in airing just how idiotic their representative is, it is worth reciting.

While discussing the putative reality that caribou, for some reason that only a rural Texan representative could fathom, enjoy the warmth of an oil pipeline: “So when [caribou] want to go on a date, they invite each other to head over to the pipeline. … So my real concern now [is] if oil stops running through the pipeline … do we need a study to see how adversely the caribou would be affected if that warm oil ever quit flowing?

I’m pretty sure that the only thing we’d need a follow-up study on, Mr. Gohmert, is whether you have cracked a lone biology book within the past few decades, or if you’d like to cite, I don’t know, a single study purporting to back up the notion that a warm pipeline — a warm pipeline — will expedite the mating rituals of ungulates. (Or have you ever even encountered the word “ungulate” before?) Fortunately, George HW Bush had a thought along the same lines, saying, “The caribou love [the pipeline]. They rub against it and they have babies.” Fair enough, Mr. President. Whatever you say.

Being a rambunctious and nattering buffoon is what the rubes of Texas have wanted from their Freedom Caucus member but they could just as easily put a cardboard cutout with a sign saying, “We vote NO praise the Lawd.” Uncle Gomie is that frightening loon that sits around watching movies about science that he doesn’t quite comprehend and after seeing this yammering ignoramus get through this diatribe, you should certainly take the time to call Ripley’s or Guiness Book of World Records to inform them that you have discovered the dumbest man alive.

Gomie has been watching Armageddon and The Martian and fantasizing about what would happen if the end of the earth was coming because God decided to like, flood us out again? Would we put homos on the ark of life and send them to Jupiter? How would they save our species if they refuse to have girl sex? God didn’t make question marks don’t you know. Homosexuality is a mental disorder. While Jesus didn’t say anything about homosexuals, clearly he hated them because we took God out of the classroom by teaching evolution @non-sequitar and superfluous platitudes.

This should not detract from the fact that Republicans have cut NASA so much that they do not even have manned spaceflight anymore so his concern about putting gays on our space colonies is only mildly preposterous but worthy of the Golden Twit of The Year trophy.

About Thomas Clay 425 Articles
Thomas is a disgruntled rake-hell full of piss and vinegar about this last election that he fully intends to unleash on the Goon Commander when he brings his gang of incorrigible reprobates into the White House.

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