Washington, C.D. – Today the GOP has has tried to push a bill in the House and Senate to allow Facebook, and other Social Media Conservatives (SMCs) “Minority” Status.
Due to the enormous butt-hurt about Megyn Kelly, Fox News host and conservative propagandist, being a “big meanie head” to Donald Trump during the 2015 ClownCar(tm) Debates it has become quite clear to them that they are the victims of a multitude of hate crimes! Apparently this spurred other law makers and Fundamentalists into action. The realization that not only could they be held accountable by “friendlies” for things they have said or done, they could be made to look foolish if they fail to prepare for situations such as a debate, was too much. They have taken their battle of wits to the Capital for redress, here is how!
This writer has come into possession of some “eyes only” documents that lead us to believe that conservatism may actually be a birth defect.
Yes, a birth defect that causes a myriad of symptoms, the worst of which is a keen lack of concern for their fellow man and an obsession with controlling other peoples genitals and reproductive systems. The fact that entire races are protected from “hate speech” while brave conservatives are forced to put up with people asking them for facts, and proof, of their claims was anathema to the GOP. This pushed them to move to secure minority status, according to a super secret ‘in the know’ source. This may actually put things right with the world, according the the source.
By ‘right with the world’ I mean stop people from being so discriminatory to those of RWNJ descent( Right Wing Nut Job, short for fundamentalist conservative crazy). There is not much evidence for the genetic malady argument, but there is at least one peer reviewed study being cited. However this study appears to be in a backlog of evidence in one of the Senior Senators offices, we are assured though that is it really really real, and totally 100% genuine.
Every day there are thousands of RWNJ social media conservatives that are treated with disdain, forced to endure the questioning of their beliefs, and even told they are wrong. “Wrong” is a word that no minority should have to deal with, as many RWNJ’s will tell you, minorities are allowed to do whatever they want and whenever they want because they whine a lot to Big Brother. Conservatives are much smarter then their liberal counterparts, as evidenced by their ability to judge whether or not a claim is true simply by reading headlines and not having to concern themselves with petty fact finding and mundane research.
The final straw for them, however, comes back to an issue I can illustrate easily with Megyn Kelly, the Fox pundit who has wronged the GOP. She was caught actually acting like a Journalist, and doing her job, while apparently Trump was simply caught not being prepared to do his. Poor Megyn, I suppose that being a woman with a brain is not really that acceptable in the GOP, now is it? Fair and Balanced has always meant no friendly fire, and she broke the rules. Seriously, presidential candidates should not have to deal with that kind of pressure! Can you imagine if someone treated a President that way? Presidents should be coddled and only have to read scripts, like George W.
It has often been said that women (a well known minority group filled with FEMINAZIS and MAN HATERS) are allowed to change their minds, hold grudges, and regurgitate hatred on you for no particular reason or for a perceived or small slight. According to a deep throat at the House-Senate Cooperative For Consevative Trancedence, THIS is the minority super power they are actually after. They can love ya, then hate ya, for basically no reason and anyone that calls them on it, well hey, that’s racist. The fate of this bill is as yet uncertain, and several thousand conservatives are hanging in wait – just like kids who think that being a grown up means you can do whatever you want, staring at the calandar in anticipation of their 18th birthday.
The above, with the exception of the genuine screenshots, is satire. Now that you have enjoyed the fun, pass it on! 🙂