Memorial Day 2016: Donald Trump Reflects On His Storied Military Career

7 tough questions for Donald Trump that complacent journalists in the mainstream media need to start asking.

NEW YORK: Goodyear Satire Company–Memorial Day 2016.

Republican presidential hopeful Donald Trump today reflected on his storied military career while laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Shareholder.

Trump’s military career began at the age of 18, when, the Vietnam War raging, he courageously battled the United States Selective Service, earning not one but four student deferments. In year two, the unthinkable happened, but Trump was up to the task. While waiting in line for his second year deferment papers, one of Trump’s comrades -in-tweed broke ranks and lined up for an induction physical.  Under the unwelcoming gaze of recruitment officers, Trump ran to his fallen comrade, lifted him up, and hooked him up with his own family’s draft counselor. The man went back to the University of Vermont and became a successful veterinarian. All because of the hero that is Donald Trump.

Even after his undergraduate years, Trump’s fire to fight and possibly die for his country burned within his soul. He wanted to serve in the worst way, like his father didn’t, and his father’s father didn’t before that. One could say, that was the worst way.

Donald Trump's Paternal Grandfather, Frederick Drumpf
Donald Trump’s Paternal Grandfather, Frederick Drumpf

Not content with sitting on the sidelines when so many of his compatriots were dying for their country, Trump was undeterred. He rejoined his battle with Selective Service after his student deferments ended and bravely fought for and received a determination that his foot was unfit for military service on medical grounds. Trump was devastated at the turn of events. His foot had been fit for service at 18, but the stress of Trump’s battles with the draft board caused a foot fault. He was awarded a 4-F which he took as a sign, as it echoed the 4-F’s he had received in college.

Trump’s Vietnam experience was chilling.  While he didn’t exactly go to Ho Chih Minh City, the great and brave Donald fought hand-to-breast combat in the jungles of New York City.  Trump said that sleeping around surrounded by everpresent danger of veneral disease was his “personal Vietnam.”   Was General MacArthur ever so brave?

Trump was well trained for his military service, having previously enlisted in the New York Military Academy at the age of 13. He battled foes many months his senior to prevail and achieve the rank of Cadet Captain, roughly equivalent to four-star general. Based on his military academy experience alone Trump says he  “always felt that I was in the military.”

Trump is proud to be a veteran. And with his vast military experience, Trump is critical of those who had fewer heroic military exploits than he, saying of John McCain, a Vietnam-era POW, that he “likes people who were not captured.”

Trump is well known as a military hawk.

Trump has said America should torture family members of ISIS combatants.  “We have to beat the savages.” This principled stand is a reminder of the esteem America’s troops hold for Trump.

And so, Donald Trump can look back on his vast military experience as he prepares to take the reins of the greatest military the world has ever known, as its Commander in Chief.

All hail Donald Trump!!! Memorial Day is the day that was created to honor you!

 

Photo credits:

Frederick Trump.jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AFrederick_Trump.jpg See page for author [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Koziar’s Christmas Village American flag.jpg https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AKoziar’s_Christmas_Village_American_flag.jpg By Dough4872 (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

About Marty Rudoy 54 Articles
Marty Rudoy has written for tv shows, major comedians and a former President (Bush I). He's a former stand-up comic working out of the IMPROV in New York and is now published by AmericanNewsX, The Huffington Post and an east coast satire site, What Exit NJ. Marty doesn't know why he's writing this in the third person but he thanks you for reading. Oh, and he's also a lawyer who frequently writes on legal and criminal justice issues.

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