Dear President Trump,
I fought against you becoming my President and I did so with great zeal.
But you are my President today. That is that. It is what it is.
I woke up today and the Earth was still spinning on its axis.
I know. I went outside and checked.
I woke up this morning with my hounds beside me EXACTLY the same way I did yesterday. I know. They make great body pillows, and they helped me have a restful night’s sleep.
I am even still alive. I have a pulse. I checked. The Zombie Apocalypse has remarkably not been unleashed.
So here is what I want you to know, my president. You won. I hate how you did it with fear-mongering as never before seen in my country, but you tapped into that loathing of corporate political pay-to-play profiteering with some rather remarkably deft, albeit insane, savvy.
Now you have to actually lead us. I know. It is in the Constitution. I have actually read it unlike you and your fear-drenched minions.
So I am asking you to do these things for me and my hounds.
Please stop America from killing people around the world in our PermaWars for profit.
Please. You promised. My hounds are begging this of you. You are their President now as well.
You promised corporate death whore money out of politics. I am with you on that. Get it done. You promised not to start World War III with Russia. Awesome. I am with you on that as well. Get it done without causing an ever bigger human rights disaster in the Middle East.
Thank you in advance for doing these things for me and my hound family. We are all grateful.
You also swore to represent everyone, including women and my LGBT friends. Do not turn the clock in America back to 1950. Again, I will be most appreciative.
But most of all?
Please be kind. Please. Please help us all come together.
Puppy the Hound is really at his wit’s end with your vitriolic hateful bullshit. He wants everyone to get along and be friends
So could you get some mental health counseling and start taking your Thorazine Haldol cocktail?
The Earth did not implode this morning despite all predictions that it would from my now terrified progressive friends. It is still here.
If you had lost the minions you whipped up into a mortified panic would be out of their minds with rage today. They are not. You are their President. Well done. Please share your Thorazine Haldol cocktail with them. They truly need it.
As for my progressive friends who opposed you?
They are now really scared of you and your mandate. So feel free to share your meds with them as well. They TRULY need it as well.
As for me?
I am OK. My mountain did not crumble into the sea. My hounds had breakfast, and I am going to go outside and do some yard work, because why not?
Just please. Please. Please. Please make American Great Again by not killing other humans for profit to benefit the Military Industrial Complex. Please. You swore to stop invading countries that do not directly threaten American interests. That would be super. So do that and I will congratulate you with my all of my heart and my soul… And so will my hounds.
Thank you in advance, President Trump. Let’s make sure that America can stop being a global laughing stock because of you. Go surprise a few billion of us. I have to put my faith in you for one reason and one reason alone. You are now my President Elect.
Steve Rothrock, Puppy, Skye and my new hound I found abandoned and tied to a stake starving on the Blue Ridge Parkway last night
PS. Please get that med check ASAP. I know it would really make my liberal friends feel much better, never mind what it would do for you.