War On Christmas: Betty Bowers Reports From The Front Lines (VIDEO)

Betty Bowers war on Christmas
Mrs. Betty Bowers reports live from the front lines of the War on Christmas.

If you aren’t following Mrs. Betty Bowers, Americas best Christian, you are missing out. Her Twitter and Facebook feeds (not to mention Youtube) are exactly what every “good Christian,” and “American Patriot” need to hear. She is currently reporting, bravely and with no concern for her own safety, from the front lines of the horrendous War on Christmas.

Her heroic broadcast begins:

“Frontline: the mall. Just moments ago secular insurgents invaded Jessica Simpson’s Juniors and launched verbal grenades assaulting shoppers ears with wishes of cheer not worded exactly as Christians angrily demand in this time of great joy.”

American Christians are being assailed with greetings that vary from their “politically correct” greeting “Merry Christmas.” Yes, you heard that correctly, while the people of Aleppo dig babies out of the rubble and bury thousands, these warriors for Christ are engaged in guerilla warfare against respecting all people’s holidays equally.

She covers the misuse of Christmas by preceding religions and civilizations. Outing them as attempts to undermine Christian’s claim of having the only true holiday. Defending our nation’s best and brightest (and only real) religion’s superiority is very important. And, is almost impossible if you allow “facts” and “history” to get in the way.

What would we do without these brave, (hilariously plastic) reports of the “war on Christmas?” People might forget that a plain red cup, or equally respectful wishes of cheer, are not attacks on the sanctity of our nation’s “unofficial” religion:

*Note: I had to ram my tongue pretty hard into my cheek for this one: that is humor. Our country is NOT a Christian nation. It never has been and as long as the resistance has breath it never will be. This kind of humor is great, however, for cutting the tensions caused by the incessant whining by “Potatriots.” Especially those that snarl “Merry Christmas,” and demand that everyone else do the same! Because somehow you must in their mind; if you want to be a good American, that is.

 

About Jen Froderman 112 Articles
Jen Froderman is a blogger that enjoys long walks and eviscerating the GOP with words. Don't forget to leave feedback on the articles, and remember: if we can't laugh at ourselves, take ourselves far too seriously, and are unable to see when we are wrong - we have reached the pinnacle of conservative ethos. Friends don't let friends vote Republican.