The year 2016, overall, can suck it. Seriously, this year needs to end, as three days is still ample time to do damage.
For some reason, even though we are at the tail end of 2016, we keep losing the people we really didn’t want to lose. This list isn’t about the people or even things, like the middle class and financial prosperity, that we are afraid of losing. It is about those things we WANT to lose. The things we would gleefully light on fire, piss on to extinguish the fire, and then throw under a bus skidding into a raw sewage bath. Those things.
1.Treating Addicts Like Criminals
Nixon’s so-called war on drugs must be nuked. These people have a disease, not a criminal streak. While much has been made of the “tough love cure” for addiction, it doesn’t actually work. In fact, it can actually make the situation even worse. Strangely enough, kindness and understanding (paired with therapy and medication) are more effective than prison for people with addiction issues.
2. Sagging Your Pants Below Your Butt
It isn’t attractive, you look like a penguin grabbing his wiener. It’s your right to dress like a blind 500-pound man chose your clothing from his closet, but why? (Please don’t message me a hundred homophobic explanations as to why people do this.)
3. Phobias of Science or Other People, Except for Clowns (That’s Totally Reasonable)
Homophobia, transphobia, antisemitism, misogyny, rape culture, racism, ignorance, climate change denial, sexism, rigid, assigned gender roles, and anti-vaccine conspiracy theories, to start.
4. Fake News: All of It
Fake news isn’t “satire,” it is lies. Unfortunately close to 50% of Trump voters fell for fake news stories like Pizzagate. Before you share something with your friends, make sure it’s a legit news source and not a clone or “satire” site.
5. Liberals Being Polite Wimps
It takes a lot more strength and stamina to be kind than to be a jerk. Perhaps it is time to get a little lazy. Being polite and respecting their views didn’t convince them to vote intelligently. Now they are whining about losing Obamacare and social security and the swamp not being drained and a myriad of other things we told them were going to happen.
Why waste our time beyond a reasonable point respecting their views? Stand up for what is right even when it means going outside your comfort zone.
6. The Term “Alt-right”
While a rose by any other name might smell as sweet, as Voldemort and Rumplestiltskin know there is power in naming things. We don’t call a steaming turd “Alt-food,” why would we call the latest digestion of the Nazi party “Alt-right”?
7. Christian Conservatives Forgetting the Whole First Amendment Thing
What you believe — whether it’s Yahweh or Jesus or the FML or Buddha or Doctor Who — is cool. The problem comes in, not only when you try and convert unwilling people, but when you try to legislate your religion. The Religious Freedom Law is not at all about religious freedom. It’s about legalizing discrimination and bigotry. Also, imminent Armageddon is no excuse for ignoring climate change. Your beliefs don’t trump science or civil rights or the planet’s needs.
As an aside: Atheists, just because you don’t believe doesn’t mean they can’t, nor that they have to listen to your “I am smarter than you,” speech.
8. Donald Trump’s Hair
While we really don’t know if it is alive. If it is, it should just let go and head into the light. Time for a “true cut,” bald spot and all. Flock of Seagulls crossed with uncle creepy’s comb-over just isn’t a good look for a president. Or, anyone, for that matter. I mean sure, this new look is a little Lex Luther-y, but Luther was WAY more together (and ok with science) than Trump. It would be a yyyyuuuuugggeeeee improvement.
Chewing with your mouth open: Are you a toddler? No? Do you have a medical condition? No? Close your lips.
Jumping on the bandwagon:
If you don’t have celiac disease, stop talking about Gluten when people’s eyes glaze over.
Be a vegan, cool, but stop drowning people in your non-animal-lard-alternative-soy-burger rhetoric.
Vape, whatever, stop doing it like a hipster crossed with a leaky steam engine… we get it, you vape.
Marijuana is not a panacea. Shut up, it has uses, we are learning more of them, and it shouldn’t be illegal. Stop telling cancer patients all about how you know everything, and their doctors are idiots. (Editor’s note: as a cancer survivor SO MUCH THIS. STOP WITH THE POT CURES ALL CANCER INSANITY.)
Never ending sequels: no one wants to watch Snow White Returns Again 4: The Last Dwarf in Paris. (Editor’s note: I do, but I have a great love of terrible films. I am by no means the yardstick by which anything should be measured.) Especially not since you allowed it to be animated by a trained monkey with a Blackberry.