Thousands Of Pastors Burn Themselves In Protest Of Gay Marriage (VIDEO)

Why is this story not making the main stream news?

There is a heinous Supreme court ruling that recently extended equal rights to even more Americans who didn’t deserve them! First Slaves, then Women, now, shockingly and demonically even Sodomites!!!

Homosexuals now joining the ranks of true humans and Christian Americans to enjoy marriage is like asking God Almighty to smite us all! Soon there will be locusts and blood rain will fall and fill the rivers with red death. However, worst than those plagues of God’s wrath, is the spectacle of the legion of American God- Fearing Pastors that swore to kill themselves with Holy Fire that are currently dying, engulfed in Flame on American streets, before the wailing and lamentations of their now leaderless and adrift fundamentalist followers.

It started with the drive to keep rights where they belong: with the American Christians and their way of life. Biblical law was always the cornerstone of the Constitution and will be! Proof positive is that it is the official religion of the United States, as named by George Washington and legitimized by the first seated Congress of the United States. These brave pastors stood up for the TRUE American values, which quite clearly place GOD and the parts of the BIBLE that we find relevant to keeping everyone living in the light of the word of GOD and under Biblical law, here in the United States of Christian America.

It seems that the Buddhists have given input on the best and most flammable fabrics and accelerants to these brave Religious Zealots, crossing lines to support these men in their drive to submit to God’s retribution first and most painfully. They have stated that while they do not share the Christian pastors’ views, they do support their right to protest – and believe that they will come back in a form more suited to their level of enlightenment.

In keeping with this movement of putting the Christians’ right to protest first, many Pagans would like to help also, but most pastors think they are Satanists – so that fell through. The reply letter from the Christian Burning Man’s Association reportedly included the following “GET THEE BEHIND US SATAN, THE LORD IS OUR SHEPHERD!!!”  I can’t read the rest; it is annotated. The annotation reads: the author was speaking in tongues.

How come these fires of truth are not on every mainstream TV? Is it simply the crazy phenomenon that the earthy smell of the immolating portly priests is inspiring neighborhood Barbeques? Or that the Church of the FSM (Flying Spaghetti Monster) is rumored to be providing Marshmallows, Grahm Crackers, and chocolate at each one in solidarity with the Biblical Backer’s choice to end their lives in protest? Seriously – that kind of inter-religious body cooperation is News Worthy… Right?

It is about time we jailed the Atheists that wrote all men are created equal – they set us up for this egregious affront to religious freedom! I stand with the Church of the FSM in solidarity: pastors, be sure your flock is fed and true, be sure your fire is done responsibly (your local fire department is the right call to make before any planning can be done!), and more than anything, make sure that you die singing the Battle Hymn of the Republic!

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About Jen Froderman 330 Articles
Jen Froderman has been a political blogger since 2015. She cares passionately about equality, freedom, and sarcasm. Don't forget to leave feedback on the articles, and remember: if we can't laugh at ourselves, take ourselves far too seriously, and refuse to see when we are wrong, then we have reached the pinnacle of conservative ethos.

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