North Carolina Skyscrapers to Be Retrofitted With Outhouses

CHARLOTTE (AmericanNewsX)–

The governor of North Carolina today solved the state’s same-sex bathroom crisis by decreeing that all bathrooms in the state be replaced by individual outhouses.

“Then,” said Governor Pat McCrory, “I’ll never have to face the prospect of a gay whatever staring at my gubernatorial crown jewels.”

The governor, whose penis is widely rumored to be adorned with a trompe l‘oeil tattoo of a larger penis, is a fierce opponent of equal rights for lesbians, gays and transvestites because, North Carolina.

“We fully support the Governor’s move,” said high-rise developer Henry Butte. “With current technology, we can build thirty story outhouses. What we can’t do is prevent the walls from collapsing outward during a T-Rex attack on a lawyer, like in Jurassic Park.” Fortunately, those attacks are rare.

According to Heather Feldspar, transgender bathroom advocate from High Point, “The new outhouses will feature a star above the door because politicians felt the traditional crescent moon was ‘too gay.’ The outhouses for the LGBT community will feature a helpful, time-saving, colored bandana sticking out the back.”

Sally Fielding, a gay woman from Charlotte, added some historical perspective. “This is no different than a ‘Whites Only’ bathroom in the 1950s,” said Fielding. “Here it is 60 years later, and North Carolina has proven it still isn’t ready for indoor plumbing.”

About Marty Rudoy 54 Articles
Marty Rudoy has written for tv shows, major comedians and a former President (Bush I). He's a former stand-up comic working out of the IMPROV in New York and is now published by AmericanNewsX, The Huffington Post and an east coast satire site, What Exit NJ. Marty doesn't know why he's writing this in the third person but he thanks you for reading. Oh, and he's also a lawyer who frequently writes on legal and criminal justice issues.

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