There are few subjects that gnaw in my craw quite like when a man tries “mansplaining” how they are somehow victims of abortion and unwanted pregnancies. So I’m here to set the records straight.
In a recent thread, a man (who, for privacy’s sake, will remain nameless) explains a detailed scenario of how things usually go awry for the “menz” and their lack of say regarding abortion.
“We were together a while. Exclusive. Moved from condoms to pills. And then one day, you felt something slipping between us. We talked about splitting up, but didn’t yet. You skipped a few pills and never said a word. The relationship ended and a few weeks later you were sure, and came to my place with news that you’re pregnant. I said, “How?” You said, “I don’t know.” I knew your feelings on abortion and asked if you were going to keep it. You were so angry you told me to screw off. You kept the baby without me, trying a few more times to use her as leverage, even letting slip the skipped pills. Then you asked me to sign the birth certificate, which I did–it was that or a paternity test, and I knew she was mine. You had moved on by now, and just wanted money, so I paid, and paid. You let me see my child every other weekend, and made sure she always thought poorly of me. I tried to fight for more, but could never get past the system…Your manipulation, your lies, your anger, and your spite cost me a lifetime of anguish and decades of wealth. All by your choice. I had no say in any of it.”
I love how he said, “I had no say in any of it.”
Sure you did.
It’s evident in the third sentence, “Moved from condoms to pills.” See, that’s where you gave up your rights to have a say in whether she has an abortion or not. You decided that “sensation” (yours) over “sensibility” was okay. Trust me when I say that she probably didn’t have any issue with you using a condom. Probably liked it because there was less clean-up for her involved. But you decided that it was hindering your “need to be free to seed,” so you opted out. You threw all the responsibility for creating life–or not–onto her shoulders and then “surprise!” she’s pregnant.
Can you really be that stupid?
AND then you play the victim when she asks you to pick up your part of the bill for the price of your two minutes of hard-won freedom?
Give me a break.
Abortion is a hot topic these days. But trust me when I say, there isn’t a long line of women out there who think abortions are fun and are doing everything they can in order to have one. That’s the GOP rhetoric. Most women would rather never have to go through the emotional and physical pain of abortion. All would rather not be forced to walk through the gauntlet of shame and hate that they do outside every single abortion clinic by those “loving” Pro-Lifers. But they do because they are incapable, for whatever reason, of raising an unwanted child. Their reasons are their own and until you’ve been put in that position, you really don’t know if those would be valid for you and it doesn’t matter anyway because it’s valid for them.
There is a big push by Republicans to halt any type of abortion rights because ultimately, in the back of their minds, they never want women to have the same sexual freedoms that they enjoy. Do you really think they are popping “little blue pills” because they need to populate the earth late in their 50’s and 60’s? Really? Long past the time when Mother Nature has pushed them into the crossroads of “NoLongerNeededForReproduction” and “WannaGetLaid” streets, they know that sex is very important in their lives but apparently women are never supposed to feel that way. Instead, we are made to feel ashamed that we, too, might be sexual creatures.
Men are given slaps on the back for conquests and sexual prowess and women are shunned and called “whores” or “sluts” for the same behavior. Women are held to this standard that men have always strived for, as Jerry Hall (former wife of Mick Jagger) quoted her mother saying, “to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom.”
So it really upsets Conservatives when women say, “Hey! It’s my body and I want to decide what happens with it.” But you know what? So what? The only people who should be deciding about what happens with women’s bodies are women. What’s lacking is enough women in local and national government who are willing to speak out to make that a tangible deal-breaker. But I have hope for the future as more women step up and demand to be heard.
In conclusion, let me “womansplain” this in terms that you might understand.
If you don’t want children, whether you are a man or a woman, please take steps to make sure that you are responsible for your part in the process. Double up! Use a condom while on the pill in the event of an accident with the condom breaking. Use spermicide as well. Hell, use it all. But don’t EVER say, as a man, that you are the victim of an unwanted pregnancy. It just isn’t a thing. You are the victim of your own laziness and stupidity. Get your ass to the pharmacy. Buy and use your condoms and you’ll only ever celebrate “Father’s Day” on your own terms.