In case you were concerned that Alanis Morissette forever sullied the true and rightful meaning of irony, I’m here to inform you that it thrives, alongside hypocrisy and sanctimony, among the fine Evangelical Christians at Abolish Abortion Florida (AAFL).
Under the proposed amendment to the constitution of the state of Florida, Article 1, Section 28, ahem:
Any person who performs or procures an abortion shall be guilty of premeditated murder in the first degree, and any person who attempts to perform or procure an abortion shall be guilty of felony attempted murder.
Florida law decrees that premeditated murder carries the punishment of death and, in what can only be viewed as an example of Christian tolerance and goodwill by those possessing great moral flexibility, both the women who obtain abortions and the doctors who perform them would be death penalty eligible.
How else are women and their physicians going to learn not to murder ‘the pre-born’ unless they are murdered themselves? I guess.
The measure, put forth as a petition, does not propose a means of execution for the crime of pre-born murder, but in keeping with the cultural norms of hard-right Evangelical Christians, I suspect stoning in the public square could be deemed AAFL appropriate.
Some additional AAFL logic:
But since the pre-born are smaller and you can’t see them, you subconsciously discriminate against them and don’t treat their deaths with as urgency as you would the death of born people. Stop discriminating against the pre-born and put an end to their holocaust.
The call to execute women for exercising their constitutional right to choose comes just months after Republican Presidential Nominee Donald Trump said — out loud, to Chris Matthews, on national television, in a highly publicized Town Hall — what most candidates for public office instinctively know not to say when cameras are rolling:
There has to be some form of punishment. The answer is that there has to be some form of punishment.
To be fair, Trump stopped short of making a recommendation of death, and he quickly recanted after learning just how deeply disturbing this idea is to people who vote. Given the GOP’s obsession with controlling women’s bodies, however, the distance between Trump’s crazy talk and AAFL’s wholesale lunacy is but a short leap of Christian faith.
Also to be fair, an amendment to the Florida constitution is possible through a citizens’ initiative, but to reach the ballot the committee must collect signatures from ‘registered voters equal to at least 8% of the total number of statewide votes cast in the previous Presidential election, and the signatures must be from at least 13 of Florida’s 25 Congressional districts.’
AAFL Chairman Bonnie Coffey admits that only ‘few hundred people‘ have thus far signed the petition.
So sad because Sweet Baby Jesus, who else will think of the children fetuses if not for those AAFL people?
According to the petition:
The people of Florida murder 72,000 babies every year while the ‘pro life’ politicians we’ve elected to protect them attempt to regulate the practice of child sacrifice as if it were healthcare, instead of addressing it as murder. Contrary to widespread misinformation, the right to murder humans is not protected by the Constitution and our legislature is not bound by any law or duty to aid or abet the Supreme Court in their attempted perversion of it.
So, by sentencing to death 72,000 would-be mothers and their doctors, the state of Florida can save hoards of fetuses? Or, by sentencing to death would-be mothers and their doctors, the state of Florida can bring about 72,000 more unwanted children?
Either way, right?!? Glory be!
Because nothing says ‘pro-life’ like the threat of death.
Oh AAFL people, your logic is exceeded in grandeur only by your Christian charity!
And Isn’t it ironic?
Yeah I really do think.
Hell, even FloridaMan is shaking his head on this one.
Featured Image via Wikimedia Commons